Premier League football fans. Not the kids, not the senior citizens, not the ones in between that have a life, but the rest of them.
Just how unbelievably dull, childish and stupid can they be? Every day on the tv and in the papers you get force fed it. Shock horror! Wayne Rooney had a curry, thought he had wind, but he was wrong! Let’s have a programme about it because there’s enough morons about that will ring us or text us! And they do.
These so-called fans infest our pubs, clog up the airwaves and bore us to death at work with their non-stop mantra about ‘best league in the world’ or ‘big four’ which sounds vaguely like a number of Snow White’s dwarfs boasting again.
They walk around town centres, seasides and Spain with their disgustingly garish shirts failing to hide their disgustingly oversized stomachs. ‘Look at me; look at what a great fan I am’ they’re ty think they’re saying. No. What you’re really saying is “my self-esteem is so low I have to attach myself to a team to cling onto my last vestige of self-confidence. And I am a virgin.’
Any chat about local football, or any team not Premier League, is met with confusion and disdain. because they’re too damn thick and ignorant to realise that football used to be about playing or supporting your team, not about money, greed, arrogance and mouthing off in the pub.
Go away. I hate you. Take your mindless chat about multi-millionaires on the pitch that don’t give a flying monkey’s about what you think. Go home, cry about why you have no real friends, then go out and get a life. And go on a diet. And start following your local team. Only then will you be a football fan rather than the sad billy-no-mates you really are at the moment. Until that point, shut up.
What’s grinding yours? E-mail the show at studio@gatewayfm.com on Wednesday between 9am and 12 Noon, when you can also find out what else Grinds My Gears!
